Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine 

 I can vividly remember humming the tune to this song over and over while bouncing a fussy baby Levi on the edge of the bed. Night after night, just bouncing and humming the familiar tune until his fusses lost to sleep. It became his "calm down song" in the car or when we were out running errands. It was familiar and comforting to him and I can remember the lump in my throat the first time he sang it back to me. 

You make me happy when skies are grey

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

 We recently have been going through a lot of sleep trouble with Cam. Second baby syndrome came into play with him and I wasn't as diligent about him sleeping in his own bed all night or having to go back to his bed after he fell asleep. Now I'm paying for all those extra hours (because sleeping with a toddler is so restful ha!) of sleep I got a year ago. 

 When Cam's sleep issues kicked into overdrive this winter, I started singing my go-to song to him as part of the new bedtime routine. We had to try a few things to get our routine correct and had to move beds into different rooms, but sleeping is coming along in longer stretches again thank goodness. 

 I'm back to singing "Sunshine" to Levi after years of not singing it to him. He and Cameron are sharing a room and even though he complained about the song the first couple nights, he now says, "I'm ready for you to sing to us." 

Please don't take my sunshine away

 We only sing the chorus at bedtime (2 times through for good measure), so today when Cameron was fussy and I played Johnny Cash's recording of the song from YouTube, my mind reeled. I had heard this song my entire life, sang it to two babies (plus my nephews and other kiddos), and it kind of hit me today. 

The other night, dear, as I laid sleeping 

I dreamed I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken so I bowed my head, and I cried

I've always loved you and made you happy 

And nothing else could come between 

But now you've left me to love another 

You have shattered all of my dreams

 It wasn't until the final line of this song that so many know as a soothing song for kids, that I had the thought that my dreams will not be "shattered" when they love another. I know this is a love song of sorts, but my boys whom I've spent the past few years singing this to are going to remember it as a bed time song. One day they are going to find a woman who changes their lives and makes them only see her. They are going to make her the most important person in their life and I will no longer hold that role. As sad as that makes me (I would be lying if it didn't cross my mind periodically when I think about them being adults), it is the way it will be. My boys will move from my home and eventually will make a home of their own. 

 And I hope that when they both become dads that they will spend nights looking at their baby's and remember when I sat on their floor and sang "Sunshine" in the dark before telling them I love them for the last time each night.

**Check our Morgane and Chris Stapleton's version that Levi and I really like. Cameron would have had my Papaw on his side, as Cameron is proving to be more of a Cash fan and I'm perfectly okay with that.