What We Signed Up For
We have made it 46 days into Ross's deployment and have had no serious issues! A couple bumps here and there, but nothing that has made me feel like curling into the fetal position (yet). Ross has made it to his final destination and is getting settled into things. He is learning the ropes and getting used to the time difference. (He's 10.5 hours ahead of us here in the central time zone.) We have been able to talk so much more than I ever expected to be able to in the first few weeks. We have only had a handful of days that we haven't been able to chat online and I am extremely grateful for that. Technology has really made deployments much different than what people once had to endure.
Leading up to Ross leaving I found myself following him around and watching things from an outsiders point of view. I watched him eat, crawl around with Levi, feed Levi, play with Juno, nap, and just be with us. The thing that made my heart ache was watching him put Levi to bed the night he left. I sat outside Levi's bedroom door and listened to Ross hum their bedtime song to Levi and watched him sway back and forth with him. It hit me at that moment that the little boy Ross was holding was going to be a toddler the next time Ross had the opportunity to put him to bed. Gosh, the army sucks.
We had a house of parents the two days before Ross left. It was so good to have their love in our home when Ross was gone. It helped having people there when Ross was less than 5 miles away for 10+ hours and I was not there with him. I had a very dear friend tell me that sitting with Ross for that time I was offered (which was about 3 hours) was going to be like pulling a bandaid for 3 hours. She was completely right. Ross and I decided that we would spend a few hours alone before I dropped him off. We went to Walmart to buy a few things he had forgotten to pack, but we were kind of like lost puppies there. Tension and nerves took our minds over and we weren't able to even have a conversation. So we went for ice cream.
Some of you know that ice cream usually is my go-to fix. Ice cream cannot fix a sad heart. We decided to go and just drive around post to try and have some quiet time. It was too cold to go and just sit anywhere, so we drove for about an hour and a half. We talked, we sat in silence, I cried, and we held hands. We soaked up the last few minutes we had together until I dropped him off at the office. Those last few minutes were painful and horrible, but I ripped the bandaid quickly. In true Ross fashion, he forgot that his phone was in his pocket so I had to come back and get it. We technically ripped that bandaid twice. Sheesh Ross :)
I was warned about the first day and the emotions of it. My first day wasn't full of tears, but more just quiet frustrations within myself. There wasn't anything I could do, but pack for Levi and I to make our way to Oklahoma. No time for the emotional day that I thought would be happing and I think that is the best thing that could have happened. Not that my mom and Ross's parents wouldn't have understood, but I kind of like to do that stuff alone :)
I have had a couple of moments in the past six weeks. We had an adventure of flying with a 10 month old (wowzers), I had a bout with a stomach virus, I shared the virus with Levi, we both are adjusting to a new routine, Levi started walking, and I have started working a couple days a week. Life is a roller coaster and we have to hang on. Sometimes I'm wondering if I am holding on too tightly or not tight enough. Only time will tell which it is.
There is something that most army spouses know, we are going to be separated eventually. It may be for a couple nights for field exercises, Ranger school, NTC, or a 9-12 month deployment. There are those of us who are lucky enough to talk to our other halves on a daily basis, some are getting only a contact here and there. We know that there are going to be many missed events that are special to each of you. Then there is just the companionship that you miss. And that is where I am now.
I miss my husband. I miss hugging him. I miss his silly mole on the end of his chin that hair grows straight out of and pokes my chin when he kisses me. I miss our ridiculous banter that we have. I miss being able to argue face to face without a 4 second delay (ugh Skype). I miss. I miss. I miss... This is what we signed up for.
It's a common phrase in the military. It is what Ross continually reminded me of leading up to his deployment. He would say it in whatever tone he was feeling would quickly get his point across (usually pretty exasperated). When I was having a "Why Does ANYONE Willingly Sign Up For This???" kind of day today, I could hear Ross tell me, "We signed up for this, Babe. We will be fine." I know we will be fine, but there are just those days when all you can do is cry. Deployment meltdown #1 happened today. I know that I will have more and I will handle the next one better, and so on.
I'm still getting life of a temporary "single mom", long distance spouse, long distance renter, sole money manager, among other fetes, all figured out. It may require a few pints of ice cream or a date with the Captain with a splash of Coke, but I WILL get it figured out. I told Ross that I would get this blog going again, so maybe that will also help get things figured out. Only time will tell.
Leading up to Ross leaving I found myself following him around and watching things from an outsiders point of view. I watched him eat, crawl around with Levi, feed Levi, play with Juno, nap, and just be with us. The thing that made my heart ache was watching him put Levi to bed the night he left. I sat outside Levi's bedroom door and listened to Ross hum their bedtime song to Levi and watched him sway back and forth with him. It hit me at that moment that the little boy Ross was holding was going to be a toddler the next time Ross had the opportunity to put him to bed. Gosh, the army sucks.
We had a house of parents the two days before Ross left. It was so good to have their love in our home when Ross was gone. It helped having people there when Ross was less than 5 miles away for 10+ hours and I was not there with him. I had a very dear friend tell me that sitting with Ross for that time I was offered (which was about 3 hours) was going to be like pulling a bandaid for 3 hours. She was completely right. Ross and I decided that we would spend a few hours alone before I dropped him off. We went to Walmart to buy a few things he had forgotten to pack, but we were kind of like lost puppies there. Tension and nerves took our minds over and we weren't able to even have a conversation. So we went for ice cream.
Some of you know that ice cream usually is my go-to fix. Ice cream cannot fix a sad heart. We decided to go and just drive around post to try and have some quiet time. It was too cold to go and just sit anywhere, so we drove for about an hour and a half. We talked, we sat in silence, I cried, and we held hands. We soaked up the last few minutes we had together until I dropped him off at the office. Those last few minutes were painful and horrible, but I ripped the bandaid quickly. In true Ross fashion, he forgot that his phone was in his pocket so I had to come back and get it. We technically ripped that bandaid twice. Sheesh Ross :)
I was warned about the first day and the emotions of it. My first day wasn't full of tears, but more just quiet frustrations within myself. There wasn't anything I could do, but pack for Levi and I to make our way to Oklahoma. No time for the emotional day that I thought would be happing and I think that is the best thing that could have happened. Not that my mom and Ross's parents wouldn't have understood, but I kind of like to do that stuff alone :)
I have had a couple of moments in the past six weeks. We had an adventure of flying with a 10 month old (wowzers), I had a bout with a stomach virus, I shared the virus with Levi, we both are adjusting to a new routine, Levi started walking, and I have started working a couple days a week. Life is a roller coaster and we have to hang on. Sometimes I'm wondering if I am holding on too tightly or not tight enough. Only time will tell which it is.
There is something that most army spouses know, we are going to be separated eventually. It may be for a couple nights for field exercises, Ranger school, NTC, or a 9-12 month deployment. There are those of us who are lucky enough to talk to our other halves on a daily basis, some are getting only a contact here and there. We know that there are going to be many missed events that are special to each of you. Then there is just the companionship that you miss. And that is where I am now.
I miss my husband. I miss hugging him. I miss his silly mole on the end of his chin that hair grows straight out of and pokes my chin when he kisses me. I miss our ridiculous banter that we have. I miss being able to argue face to face without a 4 second delay (ugh Skype). I miss. I miss. I miss... This is what we signed up for.
It's a common phrase in the military. It is what Ross continually reminded me of leading up to his deployment. He would say it in whatever tone he was feeling would quickly get his point across (usually pretty exasperated). When I was having a "Why Does ANYONE Willingly Sign Up For This???" kind of day today, I could hear Ross tell me, "We signed up for this, Babe. We will be fine." I know we will be fine, but there are just those days when all you can do is cry. Deployment meltdown #1 happened today. I know that I will have more and I will handle the next one better, and so on.
I'm still getting life of a temporary "single mom", long distance spouse, long distance renter, sole money manager, among other fetes, all figured out. It may require a few pints of ice cream or a date with the Captain with a splash of Coke, but I WILL get it figured out. I told Ross that I would get this blog going again, so maybe that will also help get things figured out. Only time will tell.
Comments
Post a Comment